Friday, September 17, 2010

Starting a new Journey

So now that I'm done with my accounting class and have completed all the requirements for a certificate in Business Management, I've decided to start a new endeavor.

FYI, I'm Catholic. I went to Catholic school from Pre-School to High School. I'm not super duper devout in the sense that I go to mass every single week, but I have never "lost my faith". Most catholic kids (I think) get baptized as babies, do their first communion around the 2nd grade and get confirmed in high school.

I'll be 29 soon and have not yet been confirmed, but I went to my first confirmation class yesterday. It was a bit odd. As much as I love God and Mary, the holy spirit, and the saints... Its very hard (for me) to embody the teachings of the church in the world we live in. I felt guilty sitting there hearing about what you are supposed to do knowing that hours earlier when a pregnant woman asked me for money on the street I lied to her and said I didn't have any. This is Los Angeles, and if I gave money to every person who asked for it, I'd then be the one panhandling.

Yesterday after class, I was in a bad mood, and unsure if I even really wanted to go through with it. Today I feel a little better. Although "the church" may not agree, I think God is understanding of my position. I am not a bad person. I may not be as good a person as I should be, but I am definitely not a bad person. I'm jaded. I'm disappointed by alot of things in this world. And I think to myself, why should I help others who have made bad decisions? what's in it for me? who bothers to help me?
I do alot for my loved ones, friends and family and for charity. But random strangers? I'm sorry but I have too much mistrust.

I'm good to my loved ones, and very supportive in times of need. This journey may have me feeling conflicted at certain points but I think it is the right thing for me. I know at the very least, it will make my mom happy and will then allow me to be married in the church when my time comes.

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