Today I'm leaving work just a tad early to make the looong trek out to see my favorite baby (BF's niece) in the hospital. She is 8 months old and had heart surgery yesterday. I want to see her but at the same time don't, I just know it will be difficult and heartbreaking.
I've been lucky to not have much illness in my life or those of loved ones when I was younger. However in the past few years things haven't been so good. It may be my lack of experience with illness in myself & loved ones that I never know what I'm supposed to do. I think to myself, should I visit? will I just be in the way? I don't want to burden people who are already dealing with so much...
About 2 1/2 years ago my Aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer, this branch of the family lives 5 hours away in Nor-Cal. My mom and I visited after her masectomy. Then a year ago, my cousin (her daughter) who is like a sister to me was also diagnosed. This time, I was there during the surgery. I debated whether to go and realized later that it was the best thing I could do for her. I stayed with her that first night so her mom could get some rest. It was exhausting and emotionally draining, but I'm so glad I did it. I wish I had stayed longer though. I figured I'd be back soon, and tag along with her to chemo. But I haven't. Well I have visited, but it never falls on her chemo week. I was just there this past weekend. We are an emotionally handicapped family. We aren't very open with our feelings. We don't talk much on the phone and especially not about what she is going through with cancer. Its great to see that she seems fine and has her hair and is starting grad school online but I wish we knew when this would be over.
I wasn't sure whether I should visit the baby or not, but decided to just go. I have heard all good things about the surgery and that she is recovering well and will likely go home Thursday. Even if I don't get to see her, or she is asleep or whatever apparently being there for her parents may provide some sort of comfort. I wouldn't know, like I said I'm slightly emotionally disabled. Either way off I go.
